Why do you need to control your partner?

Control your partner

Control your partner – The attitudes of control, jealousy, and possessiveness in an affective bond are extremely harmful, both for those who receive them and for those who exercise them. Mistrust, blame, and lack of freedom often deteriorate the relationship until it ends on numerous occasions. Despite this, it is a dynamic that is repeated frequently. If you find yourself in this situation and want to stop controlling your partner, it is important that you understand the causes that underlie your behavior.

The reality is that, generally, the intention is not to harm the other or belittle them. The need for control arises as a defense mechanism against one’s own personal insecurities. However, despite the absence of a deliberate intention, these behaviors can be the prelude to other types of violence; therefore it is necessary to identify and address them from the beginning.

Why do you need to control your partner?

Insecurity and low self-esteem

Insecurity is the main reason behind the need to control the partner. Although on many occasions controlling people show an image of self-confidence and security, the truth is that they tend to have poor and unhealthy self-esteem.

Trying to manipulate or coerce the other to think, feel and act as we want, only indicates that we do not feel capable of maintaining a relationship in which both people are free. There may be thoughts of devaluation and fear that the other will discover that we are not so good, that a relationship with us is not worth it, or that there are better options.

Those who have healthy self-esteem are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, and yet they consider themselves valuable and worthy of love and respect. For this reason, he does not fear comparisons nor does he need to restrict his partner’s actions or social circle.

Distrust of the other

On other occasions, the need to control the partner arises as a result of one or more previous episodes in which the other has broken trust. After infidelity, it is common for those who were deceived to fear that this situation will happen again. A current that can lead to suspicions, suspicions, and recurrent surveillance behaviors.

In a special way, this dynamic occurs when infidelity has not been adequately addressed, it has not been healed or commitments to change have been established on the part of both. If you find yourself in this situation and feel that you need to control your partner, remember that no healthy bond is possible without trust. Therefore, the only alternatives are to find a way to restore it or end the relationship. Staying in this emotional limbo can be painful and exhausting for both of you.

Positive beliefs about control

On the other hand, if you need to control your boyfriend or girlfriend, it is probably because you think that control will avoid possible problems. Directing their thinking, restricting their actions, controlling who they interact with or what they spend their time with can give you a false sense of security. However, you should know that none of these attitudes will prevent the possible deception or abandonment that you fear; On the contrary, it will surely increase the discomfort of your partner and deteriorate your bond until it ends.

The surest way to ensure the continuity of a relationship is to keep it healthy and enriching for both of you. Possessiveness, coercion, and control won’t hold your partner back, but they will make you both unhappy.Woman silenced by her husband's anger

How to stop controlling your partner?

Control in the couple can manifest itself in various ways: from constant criticism to make the other change, to violations of their privacy, threats, or emotional manipulations. If you recognize yourself in any of these patterns, it is highly recommended that you seek professional help in this regard.

Cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy has been shown to be effective in treating pathological jealousy and the need for control. Through various techniques, you can learn to identify irrational thoughts about your relationship and replace them with more adaptive ones. In addition, you will acquire tools to eliminate compulsive verification behaviors, such as constantly calling your partner or spying on their private conversations.

Insecurity, mistrust, and possessiveness wear down and damage love ties, cause suffering, and can lead to other types of violence. For this reason, it is important to analyze what is happening in the background when the need for control increases.